It is finished. We went before the judge, made a few changes to the documents, so as soon as the papers are filed and the judge signs them, I am divorced. We both signed. I feel such a sense of relief. Not particularly happy, but not sad, either.
I thought of an analogy for our marriage. I was frantically rowing the boat trying to make it work. And he was consistently trying to anchor the boat, negating any work I did or tried to do.
So, it’s done and I can move on with my life.
An incidence at work:
A patient was in severe head pain AND was freaking out, yelling, ranting, threatening. Three nurses were in with him, got tired of his behavior and then left. So, I went into his room so that he wasn’t alone. He starts freaking out, wanting to talk to a nurse. Knowing that I am not a nurse, he gets up and tries to walk out of the room. As he is stumbling around, I know that he is going down, so I throw my arms around him and guide him to a chair. Which is located against the wall. So, not only do I totally twist my back, I hit my head on the wall. I’m sure it looked like I was sacking a QB, but he immediately starts complaining about how I “pushed” him. Ugh.
Now my back is burning, it hurts so bad and I have a headache. I don’t know if it’s from banging it into the wall or all of his ranting and raving. This pretty much sums up how my back feels. I hope I can sleep tonight. Everyone says I should have just let him fall. It’s an option, but if you are in that situation, it is difficult to just idly stand by and watch someone fall.
So I am in pain, and I go to court in the morning to, hopefully, finalize the divorce. Because, no, the papers were not ready for me to sign so I get to take another morning off work. I really want to wear my new red suit to court, but I know that it’s a little flashy, so I will wear my new black suit. And really? I have more pressing issues that what I will be wearing tomorrow. Like, will I be able to walk upright? We will see. I may be hunched over and screaming in pain, but I will look fabulous, dammit.
Please God, let me wake up with feeling fine and let tomorrow be the last day that I am married to that particular person. Please, please, please.
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