Despair

27 04 2007

I feel that since no one I know reads this, I can be frank with my agony.  I’m tired.  Tired of trying.  The level of expectations set upon me is high.  The more I work to reach those expectations, well then, the more expectations are piled on.  There is no level of appreciation or gratitude.  Just complaints and more expectations.

When is it time to say enough is enough??

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Tit for tat

27 04 2007

I heart my iPod, Cecilia.  I really do.  Sometimes when I’m listening and a song comes on, I’m all “Oh, I LOVE this song!”  No shit, dumbass.  You programmed it.

But sometimes I download songs for Jake, who has an odd liking for 70’s music.  Bee Gee’s have always been a fave of his.  “Oh, What a Night” is another one that is on Cecilia for him.  Sometimes, when I’m putting him to bed we will listen to Cecilia, each of us with an earpiece.  It’s fun and we love it.  Our new fave song is “Fly Away” by Tim McGraw.

I figure it is the least I can do.  We often fight over time on the DVR.  And when he is not looking.  I erase some of his cartoons.  Shhh.  Don’t tell.

I call it “techno-karma.”

**I thought I was so clever, coining this term.  I posted this, then Googled “techno-karma.”  It turns out that I. am. not. so. clever.  What a surprise.





Take Your Child to Work Day

26 04 2007

While I did not take Jake with me to work today, I happened to see a man with his son while working.  They were at 7-11 and they were driving the truck that deliver the Budweiser Beer.  I think that his friends will think that his dad has the coolest job.  I think he does.





Post #11

25 04 2007

Here are my answers to the interview questions from my very favorite blogger Stacy. They are great questions. I even cried a little while answering some.  

1.  You work with psych patients.  I envy you.  I think I might love you.  Why?  Because mental illness needs advocates, as you are undoubtedly well aware.  Describe your most rewarding moment with a patient that made you think, “I really love what I do.”

I do love being an advocate because that is a population that needs a voice.  Other than the ones in their head.  I have the “I love this job” experience often.  I have to or else I would not go back.  Also, I find intristic rewards-just knowing that it is a highly stressful, highly undesirable job.  And I don’t always like it.  This job is challenging and tests every fiber of my being. 

When we treated adolescent patients, I experienced loving my job more due to the fact that you could see the kids “get it” and get better.  But we closed that unit.  Damn shame. On the other hand, our adult population rarely get better.  We only hope for stablization.  We have many, what we call “frequent fliers”-patients who have repeated admissions.  I feel that I have built friendships with many of these people.  It is heartbreaking when we see in the obituaries that a former patient has completed suicide.  It is a failure. 

The best that we hope for is stabilization.  Which is really the best that anyone can hope for, whether hospitalization is involved or not.

2.  I’ve been nostalgic lately, so I have to ask: what was your favorite thing to do at the playground? 

The swing.  My childhood was not the most pleasant experience.  I would swing and swing, higher and higher, hoping and praying that I would be able to catapult myself out of my life, my world.  It never worked, but it was fun trying.

3.  Tell us about your blog.  Where did “Gooly” come from?  What about your website name?  Why did you start a blog?

Gooly-I made up.  I think I see “Google” so much and I’m pretty goofy, so just merged the two.

My website was originally “Big Trash,” which my husband had written on the dry erase board on our fridge when our neighborhood had big trash day.  I didn’t like it.    So I sought out a word that rhymed with trash.

I started it because I feel that I have a plethora of stories from my life-working at the hospital, and I also work at a school with autistic kids, and my son.  And I am a freak about noticing people’s behavior.  And sometimes it’s funny.  Not me being a freak. The behavior that I notice.

4.  Think of all the teachers you’ve ever had.  Describe your favorite.  Do you know which one your mom liked best?  (I ask because my mom’s favorite was the one I hated most.  In retrospect, she was really good, but I hated her.) 

My mom and I probably had the same favorite.  Miss Carr.  She was my first grade teacher.  I liked her because our first names are the same.  She was really nice.  That was the only year my mom was very interested in my schooling.  After that, she rarely went to any Open Houses or Carnivals or other school activities.  So, Miss Carr was really the only teacher that my mom got to know.

5.  If you could be Jake for a day, what would you like to feel regarding the way he sees the world at his age?  And if he could be you, what lesson or feeling would you most want him to take back to childhood? 

I would like to feel what he feels when his dad and I fight.  I try to avoid that situation, but my husband is not as cautious.  I know that it effects him and I want him to be happy.  The question lies therein:  Is he happier with us together or would he be happier with us apart?

I would like him to see that life is hard, it is unfair and that people can be mean.  Yet, there is beauty to be found, joy to be had and love to be shared.





Choices

24 04 2007

My parenting style is generally from the philosophy of “Love and Logic,” in that I offer choices to my son and he lives with the consequences of these choices, be them good or bad.  The following is an incident that occured while my mom was watching Jake one afternoon. 

Nana had prepared lunch for 4-year-old Jake.  That lunch consisted of hot dog and spinach.  Jake, being the stubborn intellect that he is, refuses to eat said spinach.  Nana DEMANDS that he eat the spinach.  (Nana parents differently than MOM.)  Nana then decides to offer Jake a choice concerning the certainly cold spinach.  So she says, “Jake eat that spinach, or I will give you a spanking.”  Huh? 

Jake quickly and cooly responds, “I’ll take a spanking.”

Yet another reason why I adore this boy.  





Interview questions from Whoorl

16 04 2007

Here are the questions that Madam Queen Whoorl asked me.  And here are my answers.  If you would like to participate in the interview portion of the program, follow the directions at the end of this post.

1. What is the last thing you do before getting into bed at night?    

Hmmm…Kiss my husband?  But we do that IN bed.  I would say check on my son and kiss his sweaty forehead.  He is a total sweaty sleeper.  I usually check my email before that because, you know, I might miss something important.

2. Do you like beer? If so, what is your favorite kind?

Not a fan of beer.  I like martini’s-dirty are my fave.  And if I get extra olives, I call it “dinner.”

And about 5 minutes after that you can call me “wasted.” 

3. If you had to move to Europe, what country would you live in and why?

I would love to live in Europe.  I would probably live in France because that is the language that I took in HS/college for 6 years.  Not that I speak it very well, mind you, but I would be able to eventually.  And I know how to get directions to the water closet.  Ou est le W.C.?

And the food.  Glorious croissants and red wine.  And cheese.  Love, love, love cheese.

4. Donuts or pancakes?

Well, isn’t that a loaded question!?!?  A question loaded with fat, calories, and carbs.  And is tempting me to derail my diet.  I like the warm donuts from Krispy Kreme.  Do you know that when you walk in the door they thrust a donut in your face?  It’s what I picture heaven will be like.  But I do enjoy some blueberry pancakes smothered in syrup.  I get the blueberries in them for the anti-oxidants.  Because I’m trying to be healthy.  Can’t you tell with all my martini’s for dinner and donuts? 

5. Who is your favorite artist and/or musician? Why?

Oooo…great question.  I have lots of fave’s.  Dixie Chick’s, U2, Huckleberry(they are now Red Guitar).  I like Kid Rock and Eminem, too.  I’m not sure why.  I like musicians whose passion you can feel in their music.  Any music that moves my soul.  I love 70’s music, too.  Love the Bee Gee’s, the Eagles, Steve Miller Band, Lynard Skynard.  I grew up in the 70’s and my aunt lived with us and she is 13 years older than me and I would listen to the cool music.  Not that my dad wasn’t cool, with his sideburns and bell bottoms.  But I digress, oh yes, I forgot to add Coldplay. 

 

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”  2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.





My perspective on Life

10 04 2007

My basic mindset on life is to keep my expectations low.    But I am not pessimistic.  Hear me out.  If I expect the worst, I am never disappointed.  But it’s never that bad.  And the good that comes my way, I cherish and get excited about it.  I get so excited about it.

I work with psych patients (which I think almost everyone is, the fine line is whether or not hospitalization is involved) and I think that situations would be more tolerable if they didn’t expect everything to be great and perfect.  I realize that I am making a broad generalization.  I am NOT speaking of psychotic, demented, schizophrenic, other brain disorders or chemically-induced depression.  I am speaking of situational depression, when one’s idea of how things should go does not match with reality.  I am talking about basic view of situations. 

You may not agree, but it works for me.