Can’t sleep…

2 10 2007

So many thoughts floating in my head…I’ll make a list, then hopefully I can go to bed.  Though the whole thing my not rhyme, it may, just give me time.

1. Why are people so mean?  Do I do something or release some sort of magnetism for rudeness?  First, my husband, then my supervisor.  I’ve worked with people with mental illness for some time now and am completely used to a certain level of rudeness, but with these non-medicated, but clearly in need of it, the level of unacceptable behavior takes on a whole new level.

2. So now that the divorce is almost FINAL, he decides to be nice.  And not just cordial nice.  He’s planning activities, inviting me to events.  This is the man who refused to do anything with me while we were married.  Now he is planning things WEEKS IN ADVANCE.  And this, my friends, is completely out of character for him.  I do appreciate the pleasantries, as it is the best thing for Jake.  But I can’t help but think that this behavior, had it began about 6 months or so ago, would have saved us a considerable amount of money.  So frustrating.  I want answers to questions that I am too afraid to ask.

3. What is wrong with people?  Seriously?  Friends ask repeatedly how I have been able to work on a psych unit for so many years.  It’s not the unit that is so disturbing, it’s the people roaming free untreated and unmedicated, that is truly frightening.  I feel so strongly about it that it gets two items in my list.

4.  I am blessed and grateful to have a few close friends that I can count on and trust.  I don’t know what I would do without them.

5.  Seriously, I need a job that challenges me.  And that pays well.  PLEASE GOD HELP ME TO GET A JOB THAT WILL INSPIRE ME!!  Or at least bulk up my savings allow me to save.

6.  On the other hand, right now, I work two jobs(50+hours/week) and a schedule that allows me to get Jake to and from school. Though I am technically working, I can be at his school within minutes if he needs me.  Sometimes I think I need him more than he needs me.  My question, however,  is it worth it to take a full-time 9-5 job, making more money, but being less available to the Jakester? 

7.  I have so much going on, it’s no wonder I’m having trouble sleeping.  HELP! 

That’s all for now, folks.  I’ll now go to bed and think of all the things that I am thankful for.  Chances are, you are one of them.  Good night! 

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