D-day

6 11 2007

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Tomorrow morning, I will go to my attorney’s office and sign the divorce papers.  I am not certain how I feel about this.  There is no question that I was not happy in the marriage.  It appears to me that was his goal, for me to be miserable and insecure.  And I was, but not enough so to stay and put up with it.  He is so convinced of my insecurity, that he believes and tells me that I am so insecure that I would not leave him unless I had someone to leave him for.  Huh.  I am not and have not pursued dating or a relationship, because I am still legally married.  I do not understand how people can start a relationship before the previous one has officially ended.  I guess I am just old-fashioned that way. 

As I have told people about tomorrow, some have expressed excitement for me.  I can’t feel excited.  I don’t know what I feel.  Bittersweet?  No one plans on getting a divorce.  I am sad for the divorce, but glad to be out of the marriage.  I will be content to be done with the divorce proceedings and have it legally DONE.

These past couple of weeks, I have contemplated the future and what I would like that to hold for me.  I thought I would be fine staying single the rest of my life.  This marriage wreaked havoc on my soul and my spirit.  I could not imagine putting myself through that again.  But I reminded myself that all men are not like that.  I, with God’s leading, have a choice in who I marry.  It can will be wonderful and fun and what people dream about marriage being.

I am glad that I am not bitter and angry.  I mourn what could have been.  Writing this was just the boost that I needed to move on in a positive and healthy way.

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