Hurt

6 12 2007

I wrote this a few months ago, but it still applies to how I am feeling, though to a lesser extent.  Thank God.

I realize that some days are going to be better than others.  And most of the time I feel that I am doing really well.  Today, though, not so good. 

I can’t get it out of my head that he would hardly touch me, RARELY had sex with me and now, I am assuming here, that he is out screwing every young thing he comes across.  Why does it bother me?  I left him, for justifiable reasons.  MANY of them.  I just wanted to feel that he wanted me…on any level.  But he didn’t.  At least not when we were married.  Now, though, he is nice and asks me what is wrong when I am upset.  Asks me if I’m doing okay.  Never once while we were married did he give a shit about how I felt.  Not once.  In fact, I think he TRIED to make me feel like shit.  So why do I care if he is having sex with every woman in the metro area??  I don’t get it.  And I probably never will.  I need to focus on how much better off I am and I how I deserve better, even if that means being alone.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.  I deserve wonderful.

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