Where I stand

3 01 2008

I have been impressed with the amicability of the ex,  periodically wondering, “Does he have an ulterior motive?”  Yet, not giving it much thought past that.  I continue about my business and that is exactly how I view my relationship with him- all business and we are about the business of Jake.

The other evening Jake, his dad and I went out for dinner. Jake was staying with his dad and I had bought Jake some cookies. Jake refused to come in and get them, so his dad came into grab them. That is when he starts flirting.  With me

“Your charms are dead to me,” I tell him.   Yet he continues.  What? Is he trying to get some ex sex? Out of me?   Hmph.   It wasn’t that good in the first place.

“I’m an asshole, but I’m adorable,” he says smugly. 

“Your adorableness is dead to me,”  I state, matter of fact.

Do you think he got the picture?  Couldn’t be any clearer.  And I’m not at all flattered. He doesn’t want to work for it anymore and Asshat Ex thinks I must be the easiest thing going.  You thought wrong, now move along.

I am at the point, too, where I figure I will not get married again. For many reasons.

I am a mess. My history is a mess, and my family is a mess.  I bring a whole lot of drama and a whole lot of baggage to the table.  Who wants to deal with that?

The thought of actually being with someone, emotionally and physically is nearly paralyzing for me.  I think he has ruined me.  When I went out on that date a few weeks ago, I had to work to convince myself that he wasn’t going to berate or criticize me.  On a first date.  I know it sounds ridiculous, that is how Ex’s behavior affected me.

So, I will be fine. I am fine. And I know my limitations and this is what they are.   And that’s all I have to say about that.




One response

4 01 2008

Don’t rule out marriage just yet. Healing is a process that takes an obscene amout of time. I’m still healing and dealing with C’s attempts and getting in my pants, but I won’t let the a-hole past my doorstep and what do I get for that? He hacks into myspace! Oh well, it’s a battle I am still fighting. I’m saving myself for the handsome Italian I’ll be meeting in NYC!!!!

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