Boundaries

19 02 2009

It’s been a while. I think I will start utilizing this outlet more. I have been pretty FB obsessed for a while, therein the drama, or at least some of it, lies.

I started school (AGAIN) in January and really determined to change careers. Working full-time, school full-time and raise Jake. I can do this.

In January, I got into an argument with my mom. We were on the phone and I asked her a question, a reasonable question, she screams at me and hangs up. The issue was that she had wronged Jake and he deserved an apology. She does not apologized. EVER.  And it is a trait that my youngest sister inherited from her. Anyway, I don’t talk to my mom for 2 weeks. This is a big deal; I usually talk to my mom and each of my sisters about every other day. Then she calls, says she is making lunch and asks Jake and I to come over. Like nothing ever happened. So we go over and walk in the door. I tell my mom that she has something to say to Jake. She throws a fit about it, but she does apologize to him.

Now on to my younges sister. I don’t even know how it started. Somewhere in the argument she starts ranting about me being friends with her friends on FB and getting mad about me commenting to her friends. Well, “her friends” are kids that I have known for over 15 years. Yes, they are originally her friends, but I have got to know them, their spouses and their kids over the years. Insane and immature was the disagreement. Every time we would try to resolve the issue, I would affirm her complaints. She continually attacked my character when I thought we were attempting to resolve the issue. It was a downward spiral. She would attack my character and I would confront her about it and she would say, “I’m sorry, but…” and what came after negated the apology and was usually another insult or attack to my character. It helped me realize how she really thought of me. Which, upon further analysis, I realized that she was just projecting on to me how she felt about herself.

So both situations are resolved. And I am left thinking, “What, in the past two months, has changed?” My mom and my sisters are all in dissatisfying marriages. The marriage I had (if you want to call it that) was bad. Yet, in some ways, was the best of the four. I got out. I knew I deserved better. Well, I don’t know if I really knew that. I just needed out. And that drove a wedge between my mom and my sisters and me. But in a lot of ways, I was still miserable. Leaving and the divorce were hard on me in the fact that I knew how hard it was on Jake. Someone can hurt me all they want, I am used to it. Mess with my boy?? It is on like Donkey Kong. Now that I am doing well, bettering myself, I think it, well I don’t really know what it does to them. All I know is how they treat me and Jake. Jake is very happy and well adjusted. His dad and I get along-I determined to do that for Jake’s sake-very well, actually. I am moving forward. And for whatever reason, it disrupts my family. The insight I get is from materials that I read at work for the groups I do with the patients. It was divine intervention because this division between me and my family has really bothered me. I want to know what I could do or could have done differently. I analyze it, too much, probably, and I know, looking back, I could have made better choices about certain things. However, the underlying issue is always the same. Any change in the dysfunction sends them haywire. I understand their limitations, as I do my own, and I realized that they are doing the best they can and the best they know how to do. I just wish they could be happy for me.

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What a day, what a day.

6 10 2008

And not in a good way.  So many things to blog about-I will start with the trip to McDonald’s.  Let me preface this by saying the food is ick (though the fries are good) and in the Play land?  I can practically see germs crawling around.  BLEECH!  Despite all of my angst toward Mickey D’s, my sister and I agreed to meet there today for lunch.  The kids love it and they get toys and, hopefully, exhaust themselves into an early afternoon nap.  So the adventure begins.

Jake and Kayla run off to play, my sister runs to get food and I am holding the baby.  A girl, with apparently no boundaries, walks up, starts TOUCHING THE BABY (this is the first time that I nearly freak) and then asks if she can hold the baby.  I tell her that she will have to ask the baby’s mom, who is getting food.  Then this girl, who is about 8 or 9 says, “So are you the grandma?”  Thirty-five year old grandma?  RIIIIGHT.  The girl meets my sister at the door and follows her to the table.  “Can I hold your baby?” the girl said.  My sister said no with her mouth, but her face said “Over my dead body.”

As we are enjoying? our food, the same girl and her brother are literally hovering over us as we eat.  Looking at Jake’s and Kayla’s toys, picking up and touching things that do not belong to them and touching the baby-basically trying to send me over the edge.  I realize this is not a fine dining establishment;  we are trying to enjoy an afternoon with family.  Is that too much to ask??

My sister had also brought a bag of suckers with tissue tied around them, so they look like little ghosts.  The girl came over and picked one up, looked at it and kept talking about it.  Finally, my sister told her she could have it and then shooed her away, only to have her brother come up to get a sucker.  No big deal, I suppose.  I do not allow Jake to act like that because I think it is rude to touch other people’s things.  To each their own.

I realize that I do not know the story behind why these children act as they do.  I believe in teaching children boundaries in this scary world and definitely some manners.  I know I sound like a total bitch.  Remember though, I was just accused of being a GRANDMA.





Two New Pet Peeves

2 10 2008

I have been frequenting the Red Box lately.  It is so convenient and cheap!  When I go, I know what movie I am looking for usually.  If Jake and I are picking out a movie, we may browse the flicks in order to find one we will both enjoy.  We never do this if someone is waiting, though.  Twice this week I have gone to the Red Box-once to return a movie and another time to rent one.  Both times someone is browsing the movies for several minutes.  Annoying.  Then, today, I knew exactly what I wanted.  I walk in and this guy is standing there with his kid browsing titles.  He finally picks a movie.  Then he goes back to browsing for several minutes.  And picks another flick.  He pushes the “Checkout” button and the screen comes up for him to swipe his card.  And guess what?  He doesn’t have his wallet with him!  And there was no way to go back to the main screen.  Finally it goes back to the main screen and it took me a total of about 30 seconds to get the movie I wanted and be out the door.  Petty?  Probably.  Still, it is extremely annoying.  Kind of like people who still write checks in stores.





I am not THAT mom.

26 08 2008

You know the one.  Who thinks her kid is so smart.  Genius.  Gifted, if you will.  I have proof, though, people.  In second grade, he took a standardized math assessment test and scored 100%.  And he missed ONE SPELLING WORD.  ALL YEAR!!! 

This isn’t a “oh, look how bright my kid is” kind of thing;  I have proof.  Evidence of his genius.  And every year I mention, in an almost whisper to his teacher, “I think Jake is bored at school.  What can we do?”  And I get the same look that I got tonight.  I could read it in her eyes and her smirk, “Oh, she’s one of thosemothers.”  Honestly, it irritates me.  I am not a mother who fabricates my son’s skill or intelligence.  I was hoping the school would work with him more so that he would be able to reach his potential.  I do what I can at home, which has something to do with him excelling.  I would home school, if I could.  And I think about it more and more each year.  The thought of his potential being stifled is infuriating.  My potential was not reached because my parents didn’t believe in me.  I want to see Jake be all the he can be.  Just, hopefully, not in the ARMEE.  I fully admit to being overzealous because my parents were under zealous.  My intention as Jake’s mom is for him to fully, completely and unconditionally that I am behind him and that I support his goals and dreams.

Okay, so maybe I am THAT mom.





What it is.

7 06 2008

Funny thing.  For a couple of years, I have not felt confident in myself, nor have I felt that I was attractive.  To anyone, let alone men.  All I hear (or let myself hear) is how men want skinny women and perfect women.  It is everywhere-movies, magazines, on the street.  I am not skinny.  Nor am I perfect.  Not. Even. Close.  Certainly, though, I ought to be good enough for someone.  A man to whom I am mutually attracted.  Surely, that has to exist. 

Then, last week, I kept asking God to send that man, the one who finds me attractive.  Me and my body type and cellulite and all.  And I found him.  Or he found me.  And let me just tell you, not what I expected.  At all.  He is cute.  VERY CUTE.  With full sleeves on both arms.  The thing about tattoos?  I am usually repulsed by them and would not give a man with tattoos a second look.  Yet, on this fellow, I found I actually liked them.  We talked for awhile and he told me that he was 24.  Years.  Old.  I have not dated anyone more than a couple years younger than me.  If I wasn’t going to judge him for the tattoos, then I certainly wasn’t going to let age get in the way.  Besides, he is adorable.  We went out the next night.  Then I realized, fully, that he was not the sharpest tool in the shed.  A tool, yes.  Sharp.  Not even a little bit.  Then he shows me his myspace.  And, oh how tacky it is.  I won’t even go into it.  He shows me his ex-girlfriend.  And I see that his age is….twenty two.  And there were more lies that just age, which is quite significant.  I am glad that I have the proof of his myspace, or no one would believe this story.

I found that during our conversations, the most common response from him was a blank stare.  I do not claim to be super intelligent.  I am a college graduate and have a decent vocabulary.  I dumbed myself down for the ex and that is something I refuse to do again.  Also, I found myself being too maternal around him.  Maybe because is closer to my son’s age than to mine.  Ha. 

His IQ score was surpassed only by the number of tattoos on his body.  And though he is adorable and into me, I need a man with a brain.  A brain that he chooses to use.  I think that God is just telling me to keep my mind open…that I never know what is around the corner.  And the next time I ask God to send a man who is attracted to me?  I will be much more specific.

Haha.  God is funny.





Done

27 05 2008

Well, it is almost the end of the school year and one of my jobs will go on a 10-week hiatus.  Thank God.  I love my job and am really good at it, if I don’t say so myself.  I can only imagine that this is not somewhere that God wants me to be since I have been faced with stronger and stronger animosity as the year comes to a close.  I do not want to leave this job.  The hours are perfect, the location is perfect and I really do love what I do.  It may be time to move on.  Fortunately, I have some time to explore other options this summer.  If I find something more lucrative, great, if not, then I will enjoy what I have.

I am trying to stay positive and upbeat…when I really want to know how many knives are in my back.  I am unable to see them, but I know there is more than one, probably more like 4 or 5.  Along with knives, a few folks give them a twist from time to time for good measure. 

I can not wait until Friday.  If I can make it.  Ugh.





The irony is not lost on me, Part Deux

26 03 2008

The kids in our family range from 8 to newborn-arriving any day now.  My youngest sis is pregnant and has a two-year-old, so she is relatively new to this parenting thing.  B.C.(before children), she was extremely judgemental about how the other kids behaved-4 boys.  She would rant and criticize and give dirty looks-I’ll never forget it.  She would look and me or my other sister and tell us to get the kids under control.  I was offended at first, as I believe that boys will be boys and if they are having fun and not harming anyone or anything, then there is no problem.  She wanted to be able to hear the TV over the kids or keep the sound level to a dull roar.  She was ruthless about this FOR YEARS.  Then I realized that, one day, she would have her own children.  And I would need to be patient to see this to fruition.

Karma is a bitch.  My niece can make noise and throw tantrums and is Queen of the “Wet Noodle,” a classic toddler move.  When this is going on, someone in our family (usually me =)) suggest that she regain control of her daughter.  COME ON, J.  Can’t you get her to mind??  Classic phrases that she coined while the boys were toddlers.  And it just makes her more mad.  She is the first person to point out someone else’s shortcomings or wrongs, but the VERY LAST to apologize or admit that she could even be anywhere near the neighborhood of wrong.  As she is steadfast in this trait, I feel it is my responsibility to torture her further when her daughter is acting out.  Just another service I offer.  I must point out that I do not do this to be mean to her.  Since, she flat out refuses to apologize EVER, I feel that she should know what it feels like to be trying to parent the best you can and have some one nag you about it.  That’s all.