Boundaries

19 02 2009

It’s been a while. I think I will start utilizing this outlet more. I have been pretty FB obsessed for a while, therein the drama, or at least some of it, lies.

I started school (AGAIN) in January and really determined to change careers. Working full-time, school full-time and raise Jake. I can do this.

In January, I got into an argument with my mom. We were on the phone and I asked her a question, a reasonable question, she screams at me and hangs up. The issue was that she had wronged Jake and he deserved an apology. She does not apologized. EVER.  And it is a trait that my youngest sister inherited from her. Anyway, I don’t talk to my mom for 2 weeks. This is a big deal; I usually talk to my mom and each of my sisters about every other day. Then she calls, says she is making lunch and asks Jake and I to come over. Like nothing ever happened. So we go over and walk in the door. I tell my mom that she has something to say to Jake. She throws a fit about it, but she does apologize to him.

Now on to my younges sister. I don’t even know how it started. Somewhere in the argument she starts ranting about me being friends with her friends on FB and getting mad about me commenting to her friends. Well, “her friends” are kids that I have known for over 15 years. Yes, they are originally her friends, but I have got to know them, their spouses and their kids over the years. Insane and immature was the disagreement. Every time we would try to resolve the issue, I would affirm her complaints. She continually attacked my character when I thought we were attempting to resolve the issue. It was a downward spiral. She would attack my character and I would confront her about it and she would say, “I’m sorry, but…” and what came after negated the apology and was usually another insult or attack to my character. It helped me realize how she really thought of me. Which, upon further analysis, I realized that she was just projecting on to me how she felt about herself.

So both situations are resolved. And I am left thinking, “What, in the past two months, has changed?” My mom and my sisters are all in dissatisfying marriages. The marriage I had (if you want to call it that) was bad. Yet, in some ways, was the best of the four. I got out. I knew I deserved better. Well, I don’t know if I really knew that. I just needed out. And that drove a wedge between my mom and my sisters and me. But in a lot of ways, I was still miserable. Leaving and the divorce were hard on me in the fact that I knew how hard it was on Jake. Someone can hurt me all they want, I am used to it. Mess with my boy?? It is on like Donkey Kong. Now that I am doing well, bettering myself, I think it, well I don’t really know what it does to them. All I know is how they treat me and Jake. Jake is very happy and well adjusted. His dad and I get along-I determined to do that for Jake’s sake-very well, actually. I am moving forward. And for whatever reason, it disrupts my family. The insight I get is from materials that I read at work for the groups I do with the patients. It was divine intervention because this division between me and my family has really bothered me. I want to know what I could do or could have done differently. I analyze it, too much, probably, and I know, looking back, I could have made better choices about certain things. However, the underlying issue is always the same. Any change in the dysfunction sends them haywire. I understand their limitations, as I do my own, and I realized that they are doing the best they can and the best they know how to do. I just wish they could be happy for me.

Advertisements




I am not THAT mom.

26 08 2008

You know the one.  Who thinks her kid is so smart.  Genius.  Gifted, if you will.  I have proof, though, people.  In second grade, he took a standardized math assessment test and scored 100%.  And he missed ONE SPELLING WORD.  ALL YEAR!!! 

This isn’t a “oh, look how bright my kid is” kind of thing;  I have proof.  Evidence of his genius.  And every year I mention, in an almost whisper to his teacher, “I think Jake is bored at school.  What can we do?”  And I get the same look that I got tonight.  I could read it in her eyes and her smirk, “Oh, she’s one of thosemothers.”  Honestly, it irritates me.  I am not a mother who fabricates my son’s skill or intelligence.  I was hoping the school would work with him more so that he would be able to reach his potential.  I do what I can at home, which has something to do with him excelling.  I would home school, if I could.  And I think about it more and more each year.  The thought of his potential being stifled is infuriating.  My potential was not reached because my parents didn’t believe in me.  I want to see Jake be all the he can be.  Just, hopefully, not in the ARMEE.  I fully admit to being overzealous because my parents were under zealous.  My intention as Jake’s mom is for him to fully, completely and unconditionally that I am behind him and that I support his goals and dreams.

Okay, so maybe I am THAT mom.





WOW. I’ve never had anyone else poop my pants.

9 06 2008

Also, I have no memory of ME pooping my pants.  You know…for the record.

On to my story.  Today my sister, my friend and I took all the kids to see Kung Foo Panda.  I held my sweet baby niece most of the time.  She is 7 weeks old and is such a doll.  I am wearing a long, billowy shirt.  I am holding the baby after she eats and I notice a minor explosion in her pants.  Then I do what any good aunt does and I hand her off to her mom.  I am sitting there and start to notice that my pants and shirt feel wet against my skin.  Then…oh lord….I touch my shirt.  Squish.  It was totally gross.  And I notice the front of my pants also are wet and gross.  I then go to the restroom where my sister is changing the baby. 

“Your daughter shit on me.”  And then I show her my shirt.  It is a pattern shirt with a “new” mustard yellow color added for fun.  It didn’t smell too bad, really.  And the baby is so cute that I can’t be mad.

I am making my sister buy me lunch, though.  It is the least she can do.





The irony is not lost on me, Part Deux

26 03 2008

The kids in our family range from 8 to newborn-arriving any day now.  My youngest sis is pregnant and has a two-year-old, so she is relatively new to this parenting thing.  B.C.(before children), she was extremely judgemental about how the other kids behaved-4 boys.  She would rant and criticize and give dirty looks-I’ll never forget it.  She would look and me or my other sister and tell us to get the kids under control.  I was offended at first, as I believe that boys will be boys and if they are having fun and not harming anyone or anything, then there is no problem.  She wanted to be able to hear the TV over the kids or keep the sound level to a dull roar.  She was ruthless about this FOR YEARS.  Then I realized that, one day, she would have her own children.  And I would need to be patient to see this to fruition.

Karma is a bitch.  My niece can make noise and throw tantrums and is Queen of the “Wet Noodle,” a classic toddler move.  When this is going on, someone in our family (usually me =)) suggest that she regain control of her daughter.  COME ON, J.  Can’t you get her to mind??  Classic phrases that she coined while the boys were toddlers.  And it just makes her more mad.  She is the first person to point out someone else’s shortcomings or wrongs, but the VERY LAST to apologize or admit that she could even be anywhere near the neighborhood of wrong.  As she is steadfast in this trait, I feel it is my responsibility to torture her further when her daughter is acting out.  Just another service I offer.  I must point out that I do not do this to be mean to her.  Since, she flat out refuses to apologize EVER, I feel that she should know what it feels like to be trying to parent the best you can and have some one nag you about it.  That’s all.





Quotes of the week

26 03 2008

Well, this, of course.

My sisters and I watch Big Brother 9 faithfully…anyway it had a late start on Sunday due to the NCAA tourney. And we were waiting for 60 Minutes to be over. My youngest sister says, “How long is 60 Minutes on?” I’m not even kidding. I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to answer her question.  It will be a LONG time before she lives that one down.

My mom has a paddle that she has used to threaten to spank the grandkids with when she watched all four of the boys full-time. WHEN THEY WERE TODDLERS.  (Not to excuse, but to explain this behavior).  My middle sis was threatening her kids with spankings if they didn’t eat Easter dinner. Jake says, without skipping a beat…”The paddle’s right there if you need it.” For the record, I neither spank not threaten Jake to eat or anything else for that matter. Which may be why he is so skinny. However, I am not above bribing him.  Oh, and if you expect them to eat Easter dinner, don’t let them eat Easter candy for breakfast.  Just an idea.

That’s all I can think of for now. So tired. I may add to the list…maybe it will be a running list. That could be fun.

WOW. I need to get a life.





Arts and Crap

24 03 2008

kaylaleia1.jpg

I have never really been an “artsy” person and anything that I try to make usually turns out, well, less than ideal.

My pregnant sister, who is on “bed rest,” has a two and a half year old daughter.  How anyone, especially someone with a toddler can be expected to stay in bed all day, is beyond me.  I digress, yet again.  So my sis is home with my niece and they are making fun little things out of paper plates and tissue paper and ribbon and such.  Fun, fun.  My brother-in-law gets home from work and my sister is trying to get my niece to tell him about the arts and crafts they made that day.

So she says, “Yeah, arts and crap.”  She will repeat it on command.  And it never gets old.  I so adore that girl. 

Seriously, you can not tell me that she is not the cutest thing you have ever seen.  Just look at that face.  Now picture it saying “Arts and crap!” with a big grin.  I love it. 





On the same wavelength

21 02 2008

My middle sister and I don’t hang out much, but last weekend, we took the kids to McDonald’s.  We were sitting there with our mom talking, watching the kids, and people watching.  The Playplace is the all-time best place to watch people.  Wanna see Psycho-Mom?  And her litter of psycho kidlets?  Just stop by and McD’s Playplace any afternoon, but especially on Saturdays!  Goodness, the blog fodder that trapes in there is, really, too much.

My sisters and I usually can tell what each other is thinking. I’m sitting there, looking around and a man bends over to help this child. And displays his crack. His hairy crack at that.  I started busting out laughing, but I tried to control it until my sister could see it for herself.  She faced that way, and I know it was just a matter of time until she saw it.  I stared at her and tried to maintain composure, watching, waiting… until Yahtzee!  I knew when the crack entered her view by the look on her face. It was priceless!  Then we busted out laughing uncontrollably until we both had tears in our eyes.

Tomorrow, my mom flies to Texas for the weekend.  I offered to take her to the airport for her 7:30am flight.  She lets me know that my middle sister wants to take her so that she can borrow her car.  No problem, I was kind glad NOT to have wake up at 5am.  Well, it turns out that my sister still wants me to go. Because she’s not sure how to get back from the airport.  Umm…how about the way you get there in the first place?  So I’m  gettig up at the crack (ha! crack) to be her GPS?  uh-huh.  She’s buying my breakfast, I immediately say to Mom.   Mom tells me that Sis has already planned on it.  She knows me so well.  And that can be a good and a bad thing. She loves to tell all the “embarrassing Tina” stories.  And there are many of those.  She remembers and retells every single one.  Not nice.